Hey Whats Your Name!

Please let me preface this post by saying how excited I am to be writing it. I know I’m excited because I get super polite when I’m either drunk, or really really excited. And I’m not drunk, soooo…. Back to why I’m excited.

I have a reader question to answer. A real one, not imagined, solicited or otherwise coerced.  Not that I would do that, but, let’s be honest, it’s not out of the realm of possibility. The question from a real live blog follower, reads as follows:

“ ….Any way, question, sorry if it’s stupid, but why do you leave the O out of G-d?”.

This is not a stupid question. This is a fantastic question. And much like everything in Judaism it has a very serious, long, complicated answer that I’m going to nutshell for you as much as possible.

In Judaism, G-d has a lot of names. There’s the big one, given to Moses at the burning bush, and there’s a lot of other names we call the Divine based on attributes that we notice from past interactions (for a full list of those interactions I suggest starting with Genesis).  The G name that you are referring to is actually a rough translation of one of the Hebrew words for G-d.  Regardless of what name we actually use, since it is still referring to our Divine Creator, we treat it with the upmost respect.  As such, it is never fully written out on anything that might be thrown away, or discarded.

Now you might be thinking, this is a blog post, how is it going to be thrown away. Well you see I have a vivid imagination. And sometimes I like to imagine that someone working for- insert any well known newspaper here- will read this blog, like my writing and ask me to come write a column for said newspaper. In order to do this, that person will need to print out a copy of one of my posts and show it to their boss, who after reading it, might accidentally spill coffee on it before it gets framed. Accidents happen.

More realistically, someone reading this blog might print it out and give it to a friend, who after having their mind blown, tosses it in the trash. As you can see there are a myriad of ways my posts could get printed out and wind up in the “real world”; and I’d rather not risk it.

The only place the name of G-d is written fully (that I know of) by observant Jews is in the Torah scrolls. According to Jewish law, if one of the scrolls is damaged and is no longer usable, it has to be buried and separated from other holy objects as a sign of respect.  Fun Fact- if someone drops one of our Torah scrolls while it’s being carried or passed around our entire congregation is supposed to fast for a month, completed in daily shifts by various congregants of course.

Simply put, it’s for respect of the Holy name of G-d and I don’t want to take any chances.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! I hope my answer helped. Keep em coming folks!

My Big Head

I have a big head. 

There, I said it.

Chances are, however, you do too. I can say that with a certain level of confidence as I have yet to meet an adult with a head circumference of 18 inches. Which, according to this pattern,  http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/rudensk, should fit most average-sized heads.  Guess what, pattern? It does not.

Although I love knitting Fair Isle, it can be a little tedious at times. So finding a pattern that doesn’t require a gratuitous amount of color changing is something I look for. This pattern was perfect. The Fair Isle chart was easy to read, it didn’t require some crazy expensive yarn, and I actually had the needle sizes for it.  It also knitted up ridiculously quickly. Though now, I know why- because it’s not a very big hat.

Sigh. It was supposed to have been for my mother. Granted, her head is smaller than mine, but it still didn’t fit. You know who it did fit though?

Hershel.

 

And ultimately it wound up fitting my good friend’s eight-year-old daughter. Who, by the way, adores this hat. She even slept in it.

That pleases me.

Uncle Shmuley Wants You!

Knock knock knock

Answering the door, you are greeted by two individuals wearing yarmulkas, a Star of David and holding a Bible.

“Hello,” they say, “ Can we tell you about the Old Testament?”

If this has ever happened to you please stop reading this blog right now, and immediately contact your local Rabbi; they’ll tell you they weren’t Jewish. In fact, I’ll kiss your big left toe if there are members of the tribe coming door to door to convert you to Judaism.  We don’t, to put it simply, roll like that.

Judaism is not a proselytizing religion. In fact, most people aren’t aware one can even convert to Judaism. There are no Bema calls during prayer services asking non- Jews to accept HaShem into their hearts. We don’t leave pamphlets on windshields and I’ve never seen a Jew witnessing to a gentile about how giving up bacon changed their life; at least not in a good way. We refrain from actively seeking converts because, stay with me, ….you don’t have to be Jewish.  You’re ok in the faith you're in. We don’t care. In fact, traditionally, a potential convert is turned away three times by the Rabbi before they are accepted for conversion.  Actually turned away. Just let that sink in for a moment.

(chirping crickets)

Now this is not to say we don’t want you. To the contrary, converts in Judaism hold a special place in both the metaphorical heart of G-d and to the Jewish people.  Mostly because we chose Judaism, we chose to accept all 613 mitzvah’s, we chose to cast our lot in with a people who are, let’s be honest, persona non grata, in a large part of the world.  That takes chutzpah. It also takes time. On average (depending on the flavor of Judaism you’re converting into) it takes about a year and a half. A year of study, a year to go through all of the holidays, a year of being accepted by a community and deciding if you want to be part of a people. At the end you go to the Beit Din (a panel of three Rabbi’s who are going to ask a lot of questions about why you want to be Jewish), then to the mikvah for immersion in a tub that renders one ritually clean. Then it’s mazel tovs all around, welcome to the tribe and would you like a bagel?

It’s a beautiful and life changing process. And it’s not for everybody. But that’s ok. It’s ok, because we don’t believe non-Jews are going to burn in hell when they die, or that gentiles are horrible people or any other ridiculous arguments that are flouting around out there. In fact, there is a strongly held belief found in the Talmud that is just the opposite. All righteous people, of all faiths, have a place in the world to come. So that’s why. You’re a good person? Wonderful, save me a seat.

It’s that concept that removes a lot of the incentive that drives other faiths to actively seek converts. There is no Jewish Hell we need to save all gentiles from and vice versa there is no exclusive Jewish Heaven we need to convert you to so you can join.

You’re ok. I’m ok. Now if only everybody thought that way…imagine the world we would live in.

My First Time...

…knitting Fair Isle. Gotcha! Man, I bet there are going to be a lot of people mad at me.

Back in September, after I was certain I had mastered the knit and purl stitch, I decided I needed something more challenging to work on. I also decided that after nearly a decade of friendship I should give best friend #2 a birthday gift. [Sidenote: Facebook and its ability to remind me of people’s birthdays have made my life a lot easier. If you’re muttering "D’bag" right now I don’t blame you.]I then determined that I would knit her a hat, in Fair Isle and since she is an awesome Navy wife I would do anchors and waves.

It was ambitious and challenging. It fought me, dirty style, with low-blows and there was name-calling. Yet, I prevailed. I won. And wound up with a beautifully knit hat. Observe:

 

 I watched several tutorials on how to hold both strands of yarn and learned quite a bit about dominant colors when knitting Fair Isle. I also promptly disregarded all the suggestions and worked out my own system of managing my yarns. You will need the following to work Shannon’s Fair Isle method:

One Raverly pattern found here- http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/mariners-hat

A super comfy chair placed in your living room

Poor lighting

One small Border Terrier named Lucy. This is essential to the process as one of the skeins of yarn has to be wedged between her and the chair.

One printer that will not print out your knitting patterns

A computer you can download said pattern to and will go to sleep every 15 minutes while you try to follow the pattern

Finally, one boyfriend who will hesitantly suggest every hour that you find a less stressful hobby. Preferably one that his mother doesn’t do.  

Once assembled, wedge your dominant yarn skein between Lucy and the back of the chair. Run the yarn over your right shoulder keeping that tension tight! Place your second color on the ottoman in front of you between your cigarettes, phone (which is doubling as a row counter), 72 remote controls, and a pack of cookies for stress eating when you run out of cigarettes.  Start following your pattern remembering to stick your tongue out between your lips so you can concentrate. 

Three days later, you will have a fantastic hat that is slightly too big, can be photographed poorly in your kitchen and has one mistake in it.

  

I’ve never been prouder.

You Think Darkness is Your Ally

My Chanukiyah (Chanukah menorah) is quite possibly the bane of my existence. Additionally, the holiday of Shavuot is my nemesis holiday, but that’s for a future post. Now, I don’t know if all religiously observant people, regardless of the faith, have religious items that are out to cause their demise (or holidays that have become their mortal enemy for that matter) or if it’s just me, but this year will be the last year I use this Chanukiyah. You win menorah. You win.

Please observe.

Now, what looks like a completely innocent, typical Chanukiyah sitting quietly on my shelf, is actually taunting me on a daily basis. It reminds me that in 11 days or so, I will have to light it. This is an issue because I have been unable to find candles to fit it.  Every year, I search every local store (I mean EVERY store) trying to find candles that will fit in this Chanukiyah. And every year I have failed.

In my quest to find candles that fit I have been the recipient of: inappropriate jokes, some good-natured teasing, confused looks, many questions, anti-Semitism, overzealous individuals who are thrilled at the prospect of helping a Jew (seriously- this part always involves a lot of touching from complete strangers) and the butt of one wild goose chase resulting in me getting laughed out of a store. That last one was my bad though. A cashier at a large chain store assured me that if I went to the local Christian Book store and asked them for candles they should have them. She promised me they always have a Chanukah section. They did not. I really should have seen that one coming. Sigh.

So every year, after exhausting every option, I wind up buying 6 boxes of Manischewitz Shabbat candles and whittling down 45 of them to fit inside the cups on the Chanukiyah. It’s exhausting, sometimes bloody, and just feeds the animosity between me and this menorah.  Not this year though. I found candles that almost fit. Almost. They are going to lean a little, so I’m going to have to pay attention that I don’t catch my apartment on fire. They are also all different colors and I’m not 100% sure they are going to go out when I blow on them, but the point is, they almost fit.

And so this will be the last year I use this menorah. Mostly because the store where I found the candles that almost fit went out of business but also because I’m ready to throw in the towel. I have doggedly hung on, because, well…it was my first one. I bought it with my mother for my first Chanukah. It’s special. Not special enough to keep putting up with this bull crap every year though. So, it will get moved to a high shelf where it can watch my new Chanukiyah (that I haven’t found yet) do what it’s supposed to do. A Chanukiyah I have a much better working relationship with that doesn’t involve cut fingers, wax shavings and being the butt of jokes. Take that, soon-to-be-old-Chanukiyah. Take that.

Post Script

No Chanukiyahs were harmed in the writing of this post. But don’t think I didn’t think about it.

Extreme Knitting

Random Friend: I don’t knit so I wasn’t going to check out your blog.

Me: No no, it’s about my knitting escapades. My escapades. Like right now, I’m writing a post about my knitting injury.

Random Friend: Bwhahahahaha. Oh my G-d, Shannon.

This might have been a dramatic reenactment.

So, I have sustained a freak knitting injury.  It’s not like I fell out of my chair and impaled myself on a pair of my knitting needles (though, to be honest, this is not out of the realm of possibility so if you went there- I don’t blame you).

What actually happened is the tip of my left pointer finger has a blister.  A blister created by the repetitive pushing of my finger on the needle to complete a stitch.  It’s no, "I impaled myself on my needle," story, but still…it hurts like the dickens.  I wondered if this was a thing. I wondered, "Is this a thing that actually happens to real knitters or am I just holding my needles wrong?" So I Googled it and read about a half-dozen threads and articles about knitting injuries.

Apparently, this is a thing. It happens frequently and (upside), I’ll have a callous for my troubles (though I am going to come up with a much better story than the I-gave-myself-a-callous from-holding-my-needles-too-tightly-and-not-relaxing-my-yarn-tension-while-watching-Grey’s-Anatomy-on-Netflix story I've got now).

Going forward, if anyone happens to notice, I will (in all seriousness) explain that this is the only evidence of how I fended off three sharks while scuba diving off the coast of Australia.  I say, "three," because I need to keep this believable. After all, I do have a reputation that I’m trying to create. I mean... keep.

True Story.

Yes Yentl, There Really is a Chanukah

I would just like to start off this blog post by saying Chanukah is not the Jewish Christmas.  You may see things like a Chanukah bush or blue and white lights hung with care. You may even be given ironic gifts like a stocking with a Star of David on it (true story). But it’s still not the Jewish equivalent of Christmas.  In fact, unless you're 6 years old and living in a shtetl it’s really not even a major holiday. So what is it? I’m glad you asked.

Sometimes it’s referenced as the Holiday of Lights, although technically the word Chanukah means, "dedication." You’ll understand why shortly. It’s always celebrated on the 25^th day in the Jewish month Kislev (otherwise known as the end of the November/beginning of December- trying to explain the Jewish calendar without confusing not only myself but everyone else would require another miracle). Since the holiday falls in December, often in close proximity to Christmas, the above-mentioned belief about it being the Jewish version of Christmas is understandable. But again, it’s really not.

Chanukah is basically a holiday celebrating a pretty rad miracle that G-d performed for some badass rebels that were rededicating the Temple after it had been defiled.  Here’s how it went down:

from temple-isaiah.org

So Alexander the Great had the habit of allowing the inhabitants of the land he controlled to continue practicing their own religions.  This worked out great for the Jews, some even assimilating into the Hellenistic culture, much to the chagrin of others. However, roughly two hundred years after the death of Alexander the Great, Antiochus IV gained control. Then everything changed. He started oppressing the Jewish people. There was a lot of killing, a lot of persecuting, and a lot of defiling the Jewish Temple.  For example, he sacrificed a pig on the Temple altar. 

Ahhh we don’t even eat pork so I’m sure you can imagine the general reaction.

A group led by Mattathias the Hasmonean and his son, Judah Maccabee, led a revolt and eventually regained control of Judea.  According to tradition (who else just heard Fiddler on the Roof?) when the Maccabees went to rededicate the Temple there wasn’t enough undefiled oil left to do it properly.  There was only enough to burn for one night. However, HaShem did something pretty awesome. G-d miracled the oil to burn for all 8 nights.  Ergo a holiday was born to celebrate.

And that’s the story we tell our kids. What we don’t mention is that the leaders of that revolt stayed in power for quite a long time and committed their own bloodthirsty campaign against their own people. Specifically, anyone who challenged their rule.  We also don’t mention that the rededication of the temple was more than likely a second Sukkot, as the rebels were unable to celebrate the holiday when it was biblically commanded due to all the war mongering that was going on.

Now, we burn a nine-branched Chanukiah in our windows to remember the miracle of the oil. We also eat a lot of food fried in oil (cue the latkes and jelly doughnuts), play dreidel (cue Adam Sandler) and, if you have young children, maybe even give gifts. I would like to add, however, that the gift giving is a recent tradition, born out of assimilation into American culture. Ironic that a holiday born out of revolution to assimilation and oppression has become one of the most assimilated holidays we celebrate. But, I digress.

I don’t know if the Miracle of the oil actually happened. Regardless, there are a lot of wonderful messages that can be taken from this story. I know that those candles illuminate way more than just my window. They are a symbol of our light, as Jews, to the world. They tell us that oppression can be overcome. And for at least eight nights out of the year, they whisper anything is possible.

The Longest Scarf in the World

Ok. So I didn’t actually knit the longest scarf in the world.  I exaggerate a bit.  You’ve probably picked up on that by now. Regardless, what I did wind up knitting is a really, really …really long scarf for one of my good friends.  This scarf was not knitted out of the goodness of my heart. It was knitted in exchange for her sewing me up one of her outstanding project bags.  You can check out her Etsy shop here:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/SNGInspirations?ref=pr_faveshops

She’s amazing.  Buy everything in her store, then, thank me for making your life better.

This has probably been my most challenging projects to date. In addition to learning a new stitch, it also took 6 skeins of yarn and over a month and half to knit. I also had to make tassels. Those tassels were almost my undoing. I’ll just be avoiding them at all cost in the near future by the way.

The scarf is a modified version of The Trinity Stitch Scarf created by this lovely lady who hosts the Casting On Couch via Youtube.  You can find her pattern and tutorial here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJv4bVXzZY4&spfreload=10

(Said scarf is modeled by my dog Hershel. He loves wearing clothes. No really. Dress up is part of our routine.  One could say he is my knitting muse.)

In retrospect, I’m wondering where my line would be regarding exchanging hand knits for other items I could use? This could be a dangerous train of thought. I could potentially set up some type of complicated bartering system based completely on knitted projects.  Hm.

How often do you exchange knitted projects for things that you want/need?

Confessions of a Jewish Women

So, I have a confession to make. But I’ll get to that in a minute. First, I have to explain why my confession is relevant.

Ahem. Tonight at exactly 4:54pm the sun will set and Shabbat begins.  Shabbat is the Jewish Sabbath, our Holy day, our Day of Rest. If you’re still not following, Shabbat is to the Jewish people what Sunday is to most observant Christians. It begins at sundown on Friday evening and ends the following sundown on Saturday.  This is how we measure our days- from sunset to sunset.  Yes, this is confusing. But hey, I didn’t make the rules. 

A lot of stuff happens on Shabbat. A lot of stuff is also not happening on Shabbat. But that’s for a future post. This post is about the lighting of the Shabbat candles.  Which is, to be honest, my favorite part of Shabbat. (That’s not my confession by the way). 

The Shabbat candles are most commonly associated with the image of a woman, hair covered, waving her hands over said candles, then covering her face and reciting a blessing in Hebrew. Observe.

Thank you bje.org.au for the pic.

If you are thinking to yourself, “what the crap”, it’s cool.  Just keep reading.

The candles are traditionally lit at least 18 minutes before sundown.  This is to make sure that we aren’t breaking the prohibition in Torah (the first five books of the Bible) of lighting an open flame on Shabbat. It’s one of those, "thou-shalt-not- commandments." We cover our hair for a variety of different reasons.  For me, it keeps me humble. It’s a respect thing.  We wave our hands inwards, typically 3 times, over the candles to usher in the presence of the Shabbat. Some believe it’s carried in by the Sabbath Queen, for others, angels carry in the joy of Shabbat on their wings.  I just know that in those moments, as I’m waving my hands over the candles, I’m definitely bringing something into my home that is absent the rest of the week.  

On the third wave, we bring our hands up to our face, cover our eyes and recite the blessing:

“Barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha'olam asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu l'hadlik ner shel shabbat."

Which translates to:
Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, Ruler of the Universe, who has sanctified us with commandments, and commanded us to light Shabbat candles. 

Then Shabbat Shalom’s all around. We feast, talk, sing, drink, and hold one hell of a Torah study.

Now, we get to my confession. Brace yourself….I don’t actually say this blessing.  Don’t panic. I know the blessing, I can say the blessing. Buuut, I don’t.

What I do say is this:
"Barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha'olam asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu shamor v’zachor et yom haShabbat."

Or if you prefer:
Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, Ruler of the Universe, who has sanctified us with commandments, and commanded us to keep and remember the Shabbat.

You see there isn’t actually a commandment written in Torah that tells us we have to light the Shabbat candles. It’s a tradition, with a hundred different explanations each more beautiful than the last. However, it is written quite specifically that we are to “keep” and “remember” Shabbat (Exodus 20:8; Deuteronomy 5:12). I’m just a stickler for things like that.  Regardless, the candles are an expression of abstract and vague commands done in a physical way that speaks to our human nature. At least I think so. 

Lighting the Shabbos candles connects me to the divine, and connects me to thousands of other Jewish women around the world who are lighting their own candles, in their own way, at the same time.  It’s beautiful.

(Cue the somber music so you know I’m getting ready to say something profound).

Maybe tonight try lighting your own candles and usher in something wondrous of your own however you experience the divine.  Wave your hands at your own expense though. Burns hurt.

A Double Post?! Whaaattt?

You might be asking yourself, is this really happening? Two Blog posts in one day? Back-to-back even? Yes, this is really happening. Don’t get used to it though. Because this is a disclaimer post.
 
After getting actual feedback from real readers who are super excited about the changes in the blog, I realized that I might need to clarify some things. I also realized that I would very much like a post that I can refer back to from time to time in case…issues arise. And I would like to do this in list form.

1. The information that I provide about Judaism (in all its facets) is from a Reform perspective.  It is also from my perspective. I attend a Reform shul that is more of a melting pot of various denominations in Judaism due to a smallish Jewish community in our area. I daven (pray) and learn with other Reform Jews, as well as Orthodox, Conservative, and a few non-Jews who just like to hang and learn some Torah. I wouldn’t change this for the world as it has definitely shaped my observance levels. I’m grateful for that. This also means that something I write about may not be applied the exact same way in every Jewish home. That’s the beauty of Judaism. It’s open to a lot of interpretation.  

2.  I am not a Rabbi. But I check my facts. I’m not just pulling this info out of my ass. I promise. Oh.  Yeah.  Sometimes I curse.

3. I have a sense of humor. I like to use it. It keeps things fun. It also keeps my posts from sounding like I’m defending my dissertation at the Yeshiva or teaching a Judaism 101 class.  What you may notice is that I tend to nutshell things. I’m trying to provide highlights that fall somewhere between Josephus’s Antiquities of the Jews and asking your Jewish co-worker for an explanation.

4.  There’s an old joke that goes “if you have two Jews in the same room there will always be three opinions”. This is true. We know it and we totally own it.  Don’t be afraid to offer a different viewpoint, just be respectful please.

5.  Share and ask questions! Please, I love feedback. Really. If you want more details ask! If you do something differently share!

6. If there is a rude or nasty comment I’m just gonna delete it. I don’t have time for that crap.

I plan on posting Jewish stuff on Fridays and knitting stuff on Tuesdays. So, if your not digging one or the other you’ll know which days to ignore me.  But why would you want to? Seriously, I’m kind of awesome. And so are you (insert Kool-Aid grin).

Switching Gears

I’ve been doing some thinking. I started this blog to talk about knitting.  I intend to keep talking about knitting.

However, in response to some imaginary feedback, one actual inappropriate comment and an assessment of what takes up the majority of my free time I’ve decided to alter the scope of this blog to three things. Being a knitter, being Jewish and being a Jewish knitter. I’m not sure if the last one is a real thing, however,  I do think all three are under represented in the blogging community.

This could make for some pretty intense blogging. I intend to talk about:

Jewish holidays, culture and religion.

The size of my stash. (gasp).

Kvitch about yarn.

Talk about G-d.

Talk about being Jewish in a predominantly Christian area.

Share patterns.

Share bad photo’s of completed projects.

Share bad photo’s of my dog’s wearing those completed projects.

This blog, dare I say, is about to get real.

I also can’t knit fast enough to support two blog posts a week only on knitting. Just saying.

Let's Play a Game

Let’s play what the crap am I doing in this picture?

Ready? Go.

(Insert Jeopardy theme song in your head. Since the song is in your head, and only in your head I don’t think I’m breaking any copyright laws)

Times up. And the Survey says……

A crocheted provisional cast on.

If you couldn’t get that from the picture, I don’t blame you. I don’t think I could have guessed that from this picture and I was the one actually doing it.

Obviously at one point I had the crochet hook in my right hand and was actually crocheting with it over the needle. Honestly though, holding everything in my left hand for the photo opportunity didn’t really change all the mess I had going on in either hand.  This was challenging.

A provisional cast on is a way of casting on that will allow you to leave live stitches at the beginning of your work. Allegedly this is to allow for a seamless finish if one is say… planning on joining the bind off and cast on edge of a headband for her neighbor together.  I say allegedly because I can’t actually prove that this will work. The yarn my neighbor picked out is causing me some technical difficulties.  So I stopped knitting with it, used another yarn and plan on just….not using a provisional cast on.  We’ll see how this works out.

Now it’s time to poll the audience. What is your favorite method of provisionally casting on and why?

Shabbat Shalom!